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A ragged individual stranded for several months
on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day
noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it.
Rushing to
the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands
withdrew the
message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it
necessary to cancel your e-mail
account."
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and
asked his
mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the
slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought
you to us."
"Oh," said
the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought
us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy
persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by
now
starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy
handed in his paper to the teacher who read
with confusion the
opening sentence: "This report has been very
difficult to write due to
the fact that there hasn't been a natural
childbirth in my family
for three generations."
A prisoner at
the Edmonton Max started
training a large fly to do tricks.
For years, for thousands of
hours, he worked with the insect. It
learned to walk across a miniature
high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike,
balance on a pair of stilts
and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
"When you and I get
out of here," the jailbird said to the fly.
"we're going to tour
the nightspots and make a fortune."
Finally the day arrived. Fly
safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside
its matchbox home), the
ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.
At the bar, he
brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started
moonwalking. "What about
this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.
In one swift motion, the
bartender reached for his copy of the
newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN,
rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty
swipe.
"Glad
you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are
eve
rywhere."
"Do you know what a pessimist is?" "A man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it." George Bernard Shaw
"Management" means, in the last analysis, the substitution of thought for brawn and muscle, of knowledge for folklore and superstition, and of cooperation for force. . . Peter Drucker
...And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Martin Luther King Jr.The New Yorker Serial Tweets Story: DNews Nuggets
The story, by Jennifer Egan, is organized in short segments.
A Dolphin Death Whodunit In Peru
The Peruvian government claims that nearly 900 dolphins died of natural causes. A separate study disagrees.
Mars Tumbleweed Rovers Will Rock, Bounce and Roll
The tumbleweed rover could dominate Mars exploration, but is there too much bounce in its roll?
Were the Cavemen of the Danube Flutists?
Bone flutes found in southern Germany push back the date human creativity evolved.
Special Effects Getting Crazy: Gotta-See Videos
In the new Men in black movie the special effects are eye-popping, literally.