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"I was married 3 times" explained
the man to a newly discovered
drinking partner, "and I'll never
marry again. My first 2 wives died
of eating poison mushrooms and my
3rd wife died of a fractured skull."
"That's a shame." said his
friend , "How did it happen?"
"She wouldn't eat the
mushrooms!"
The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once
a woman began screaming. "You've got to help me! There's a giant
gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with
its
tail!" "What's he doing with the apples?" the sergeant asked.
"If I
told you," the woman cried, "you wouldn't believe me!"
Mandy: Our teacher went on a
special banana
diet.
Andy: Did she lose weight?
Mandy: No, but she sure could
climb trees well!
Age is opportunity no less
Than youth itself, though in another dress,
And as the evening twilight fades away
The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Groucho Marx
O Winter! ruler of the inverted year, . . . I crown thee king of intimate delights, Fireside enjoyments, home-born happiness, And all the comforts that the lowly roof Of undisturb'd Retirement, and the hours Of long uninterrupted evening, know. William CowperDevice May Let Humans Communicate With Dolphins
A prototype dolphin speaker projects the full range of all dolphin-made sounds.
The Unibomber Updates Status: DNews Nuggets
Ted Kaczynski lists his most recent occupation as "prisoner" in a Harvard alumni directory.
Quake Reveals Day of Jesus' Crucifixion
It's been debated for years, but researchers say they now have a definitive date of the crucifixion.
The 'Demise of Guys' Likely Real: DNews Nuggets
Are the world's men being destroyed by online pornography and video games?
Toddler Braves Rush Hour: Gotta-See Videos
A toddler takes a dangerous ride through a busy intersection at rush hour, on his own scooter.