Cocktails 4 oz Kamchatka® vodka
4 oz red raspberry ginger ale
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Life
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The officer shouted
orders to a
nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto
the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a
dispatch
case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to
safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a
medal. You
risked your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
"Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said
whorehouses!"
Why do they put a suicide watch on death row
prisoners? Why
would you care if a man you're planning to kill
anyway, kills himself?
Does it spoil the fun?
I also think
about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day
before his
execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a
hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed
him.
Apparently, just to anger him.
Andy: "Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last
night. I
dreamed I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus
girls in the
world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, all dancing in a
row."
Doctor: "Hold it, Andy. That doesn't sound so terrible."
Andy: Oh yeah? In the dream, I was the third girl from the end."
"Careful with fire" is good advice we know.
"Careful with words" is ten times doubly so. William Carleton
"Know thyself," said the old philosopher, "improve thyself," saith the new. Our great object in time is not to waste our passions and gifts on the things external that we must leave behind, but that we cultivate within us all that we can carry into the et Edward Bulwer-Lytton
. . . .When I am, as it were, completely myself, entirely alone, and of good cheer - say traveling in a carriage, or walking after a good meal, or during the night when I cannot sleep - it is on such occasions that my ideas flow best, and most abundantly. Wolfgang Amadeus MozartLighting Rod Prevents Strikes
This rod prevents strikes by doing exactly the opposite of what they are usually known for.
Hologram Lady Will Greet You at the Airport
A weird customer service hologram is coming to New York City airports.
Pollutants Mucking With Food Production
Two manmade pollutants known best as threats to human health have just been charged with two more offenses: shifting rainfall patterns and mucking with food production.
Starships Fueled on Antimatter from Space?
Harvesting antimatter in space would completely bypass the difficulties of an Earth-bound particle accelerator.
Cement Yourself With Concrete Business Cards
Give your first impression a little more gravity by handing one of these babies out.