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Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They
taste funny.
My computer made a funny sound the other
day.
Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a window before.
Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil
company.
All day long she loved to run up and down the share price
list, laughing
and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because
she couldn't find
an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people
would be very angry if
she couldn't produce it.
"What's
wrong, little oil company?" said a gruff voice nearby.
She looked
around and there was a funny little creature with
spectacles, a
bald patch and shaving cuts.
"I can't find a dividend," she said
and started crying again.
"Don't worry," said the creature. "I
can find you one."
"How?" said the oil company, "And who are
you?"
"I'm an accountant," he said. "As for how I do it, never you
mind
about that. But there's one condition. If I do find it for
you, you
must agree to let me stay with you."
"Yes, yes!" she
said, anxious only to get the dividend.
The accountant disap
peared into some books nearby and stayed there for
a while. She
could hear him muttering and tut-tutting and transferring
accounts.
Then he emerged and put his long sloping hand into hers.
"I've
found you a dividend," he said.
Her usual cheerfulness returned
in an instant and she rushed off to
tell her father, the Chairman.
She forgot all about the accountant until
he followed her in and
reminded her of her promise; despite all her
tears, her father
insisted that she keep her word and that night the little
accountant slept
on the floor beside her bed.
The next morning she opened her
eyes and to her amazement she saw the
accountant was exactly the same
as he had been before.
"I know what you're thinking," smiled
the accountant. "You're
quite right. Before I was changed into an
accountant I was a handsome young
man with a devil-may-care attitude
and considerable joie de vivre."
"Then change back!" said t
he oil company, clapping her hands.
"Are you crazy?" said the
accountant. "Handsome young men are two a
penny but clever, ugly
little accountants are worth their weight in
gold."
A friend told me that each morning when we get up we have to decide whether we are going to save or savor the world. I don't think that is the decision. It's not an either-or, save or savor. We have to do both, save and savor the world. Kate Clinton
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. Dwight D. Eisenhower
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