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One day there was a family driving in the
car to Michigan to
visit their relatives. They were looking for the
street they had to turn on
to get to their relatives house. They
accedently turned on the wrong
street so they had to pull in a
driveway and turn around. When they
pulled into the driveway the girl
asked her mother "Why dont these people
have electricity?" Very
confused the mother said, "Wut are u talking
about?" The girl quickly
replied, "Well, the sign back there said NO
OUTLET!"
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad
in a lawsuit filed by
an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was
missing from the section
through which the railroad passed. The
rancher only wanted to be paid
the fair value of the bull.
The
case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in
the back room of the general store.
The attorney for the
railroad immediately cornered the rancher and
tried to get him to settle
out of court. The lawyer did his best selling
job, and finally the
rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.
After the
rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young
lawyer
couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the
rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one
over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was
asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went thr
ough your
ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on
the stand. I
bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well,
I'll tell you, young feller, I was a
little worried about winning
that case myself, because that durned bull
came home this
morning."
A man was getting a haircut prior to a
trip to Rome. He
mentioned the trip to the barber who responded,
"Rome? Why would anyone want
to go there?
It's crowded & dirty
and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to
Rome.
So, how
are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We
got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a
terrible airline. Their
planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly,
and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in
Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That
dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small,
the
service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when
you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope
to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a
million other people
trying to see him. He'll look the size
of an ant. Boy, good luck on
this lousy trip of yours. You're
going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his
regular haircut. The
barber asked him about his trip to
Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in
one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped
us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a
beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and
foot.
And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million
remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too,
were
overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential
suite at no
extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I
know you didn't get to see the
pope."
"Actually, we were quite
lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss
Guard tapped me on the
shoulder and explained that the pope likes to
personally me
et some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step
into
his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure
enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook
my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?"
asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get
the lousy haircut?
A scrupulous writer, in every sentence that he writes, will ask himself at least four questions, thus: 1. What am I trying to say? 2. What words will express it? 3. What image or idiom will make it clearer? 4. Is this image fresh enough to have an effect? George Orwell
Before you do anything, think. If you do something to try and impress someone, to be loved, accepted or even to get someone's attention, stop and think. So many people are busy trying to create an image, they die in the process. Salma Hayek
Honesty is the best image. Tom WilsonShould We Turn Off the Lights?
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