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A mother was reading a book about animals to
her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child:
"Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother:
"Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed
little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice
replied, "Bud."
An old man approaches the window of a cinema with
a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the
counter wants to know who is going in with him. He replies, "Well,
my pet
chicken, of course!" "I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We
can't
allow animals in the cinema." The man goes around the corner
and stuffs
the chicken into his trousers. He returns to the window,
buys his
ticket and goes in. Inside the cinema, the chicken starts
to get hot and
begins to squirm, so the man unzips his trousers so
the chicken can stick
it's head out and watch the film. Seated
next to him is a woman. She
looks over at his lap and is horrified.
She elbows her friend Agnes and
whispers, "Agnes, this man over here
has just unzipped his trousers!"
Agnes whispers back, "Oh, don't
worry about it...you've seen one,
you've seen them all." Madge
says, "I KNOW...but this one's eating my
POPCORN!!"
There was a farmer who
had a lot of live
stock. He had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls.
One day a
terrible twister came and the man and his family were only
saved by
throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all over,
he
looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened by the loss, he
went out to see if any of the animals had survived. The horses,
chickens, pigs, and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were standing! The
farmer was amazed and asked them, "How is it that all the other
animals
are down and you are still standing?" The bulls replied, "We
bulls
wobble but we don't fall down!"
[Abstract art is] a product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered. Al Capp
[Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective weaponlaughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecutionthese can lift at a colossal humbugpush it a littleweaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atom Mark Twain
[T]here's no bad day that can't be overcome by listening to a barbershop quartet; this is just truth, plain and simple. Chuck SigarsItaly Earthquake Leaves Six Dead, 50 Hurt
A magnitude 6.0 earthquake shook Italy's populated northeast early Sunday, felling homes and church steeples around the historic city of Ferrara.
Will You See Today's Annular Solar Eclipse?
Just in case you haven't heard, an annular eclipse will dazzle the Pacific Ocean on Sunday.
Troubled Freighter Drifts Toward Great Barrier Reef
A broken-down cargo ship was drifting towards Australia's Great Barrier Reef Saturday, with fears of major damage if it were to run aground at the World Heritage-listed site.
Tyrannosaur Skeleton For Sale, But Ownership Is Questioned
Mongolia is raising concerns that a rare Tyrannosaur specimen now on auction in New York City may have left the country illegally.
Tiny Deep-Sea Life Eats Dinosaur-Era Meals
Deep ocean microorganisms are subsisting on nutrients first laid down when dinosaurs still walked the Earth.